We’re in the wake of wedding season, which is why all month long we’re giving out helpful tips for engaged and married couples. In today’s discussion, we want to talk about arguments, specifically the first big argument in a marriage. No matter how well you get along, you and your spouse are bound to disagree at some point. With these suggestions from our marriage counselors in Michigan, you can learn how to bounce back when that happens.
You may begin panicking when the argument escalates because it’s your ‘first big fight.’ This might happen right away – on your wedding night, on your honeymoon, or in the weeks that follow. Don’t stress about the timeframe. Disagreements happen in all relationships, and it’s OK that you’re in one. Stay calm to avoid escalating the problem.
Validate Your Spouse’s Opinion
In an argument, most people focus on getting their point across. If your mind is solely locked into that philosophy though, you may be paying full attention to your spouse. Instead of trying to persuade your spouse, spend some time validating his or her opinion. Ask questions that help you understand your spouse’s point even further, and show that you can see his or her perspective. If you engage with your spouse, he or she is more likely to engage in return. That’s the start of productive conflict resolution.
Get to the Root of the Issue (It’s Most Likely STRESS)
There may be an issue below the surface that needs to be resolved. You probably aren’t mad that the dishes aren’t finished. Instead, you may feel overwhelmed by the amount of housework that needs to be done. Those dishes seem like one more task to add to a never-ending list.
Being married is not always easy, and it can be particularly stressful early on. If you can get to the root cause of your arguments, you can come up with a productive solution for them.
Find a Solution, Or Accept That There Isn’t One
Compromise with your spouse and work out a solution to the issue. If there isn’t a logical solution at hand, you may simply agree to disagree. How significant is this argument in the grand scheme of things? Is it a make or break moment, or is it just an annoyance you can get over? Not every argument has a conclusion because some aren’t worth the time or energy to conclude. If this is one of those arguments, agree to move forward.
If you have an ongoing disagreement that you need help resolving, consider talking to a marriage counselor. This person will provide a professional, unbiased perspective on the matter to guide you to a solution. Contact Perspectives Counseling Centers in Michigan to find an experienced marriage counselor near you.